Guard your soul

For those damaged souls

I started writing something to a dear friend of mine who's very broken (she's more like a sister to me). As I wrote, I just kept going on and on and on and on (SO MUCH TO SAY!) & I began to think of so many other people that might be right where she is at.

So, rather than send my message at that point, because of the worth and the wisdom of what was being written, I thought this could possibly help many other people. So I decided to make it a public thing (without naming my BFF so that it wouldn't cause any embarrassment). Let's just call her “X”. This is for her, but any of you reading this could be X, so if it strikes a chord, it's for you, too.

......................................................

My dearest, lovely, perfectly damaged X, I need to firstly tell you how very much you are loved. You must allow this to permeate your very core. You are loved by your children, your grandchildren, your family, and so very many other people! It's almost instant when somebody sees you - they're attracted to you like a moth to a flame. You're VERY special. I don't mean short bus kind of special, I mean seriously unique and utterly flawless. Everything about you is beautiful & good. Your heart is good. You have so much hope and love to give. You amaze me. I'm so different. Really cynical and negative. When I see your reactions to things and other posts that you put on social media and so on, I see the flip side of things. I see how I wish I could be. The good side. I see a pure heart. It isn't about the outward beauty (that you definitely do possess), it's about who you are as a complete individual. A being.

When I close my eyes

& see you with just my soul,

I see nothing but

✴✴✴

✴✴✴ love, light & sparkles ✴✴✴

✴✴✴

But, yeah, there's something broken at the core.

How do we become so damaged?

Truth be known, some of the damage we sustain probably happens while we're still in the womb if not even before that - on some sort of a cellular level, or soul level somehow.

We're all born with a disposition. We're all born with a soul. Sometimes we're born with an old soul. I believe that your soul is young still and it's filled with wonder. I'm convinced that my soul is tainted and really, reeaaalllllly OLD, hahaha (I was born angry)!

What makes a person the way that they are is the soul and disposition they're born with, but much more so, throughout life from infancy upward, the way OTHER DAMAGED PEOPLE treat them.

As little children, we're like a little computer. A fresh slate. A blank canvas. Untouched clay. We are being programmed, written on, painted on…. SCULPTED. Our minds and our souls are being impressed with everything that happens, be it good or be it bad. The way we were programmed by others to deal with things also has a huge impact.

You don't form a hard shell without having something create the calluses. But my sweet X, somehow, throughout your life, even though you've been damaged, you must see that you're still precious. Sometimes some people become so damaged and so hurt and so angry that they decide to just cease interacting for the most part (like me).

The thing is, people are not going to treat us the way we deserve to be treated in most cases. Instead, it's about THEM. Everything people do in life is motive based. Even if somebody is good to you just for the joy they get from being good to you, that motive is joy. I don't think anyone does anything without having some sort of motive, good or bad.

It's up to us to be discerning. I think we're all born with the ability to sense something deeper. Something way past the outward appearance of an individual. Their ENERGY. I call it a spidey sense. Mine has become innate over time. The bad thing is, when you've been treated badly, you lack trust more and more. So, my spidey sense is kind of warped. Tainted with the opinion that you can't really trust anyone. Sadly, this is why I have closed off from just about everyone and haven't dated in years. I just don't think it's worth the risk anymore. There are other factors as well, but this isn't about me. This is about YOU.

What's very important point out here is that you are more precious than gold, silver, jewels, or anything else that the world has to offer. I know how hard it is to see ourselves through the eyes of others, and how skewed things are in our own perspective when it comes to US, but please believe and remember that. Tattoo it on your forehead if you have to. Remember that our own self image is flawed because we have been damaged. I feel like a hypocrite writing this because even though I know it's true, I struggle hard with seeing myself through the eyes of those who care about me. We need to go to some sort of a love ourselves retreat and get re-programmed!

Anyway, back to the thoughts I wanna impart- I believe that we were all created to serve a purpose here on Earth. I believe the course is mapped out ahead of us, but then all these obstacles enter in, and based on how we have been "programmed", we react accordingly. Therefore, it becomes about our choices. These obstacles (damaged people, "wolves", etc) screwing up our path… WHO ALLOWED THEM? Sometimes, no one invited them, but MOST TIMES we are the ones who (sometimes without realizing it) made the choice to open that door so wide that they were sucked in whether they even wanted to be there or not! See? It's a CHOICE! Make wiser ones! If it's not something you're choosing, and someone is trying to become involved in your life in any way, shape or form, evaluate that. Make a wise decision based on what you derive from analyzing things. Either you're going to open the door and let them in or you're going to cut them off right then and there. I usually cut them off right then and there because I wanna be left alone that badly. But, if that's what needs to happen, then do it! There is no crime in being guarded with your heart and spiritual well being. Just totally stop letting people who will screw up your path enter into your life… no matter how damn good you think they might look, lol. It's not about that. Guard that precious soul of yours! Test the waters in a HUGE way when it comes to letting people in past a certain point. Go with that deep down truth that you tend to thwart/be blind to if you want something to happen. It's always there and we know it is, we just do what we think we wanna do at the time and choose to ignore it. If we're honest with ourselves, once we have been hurt, & we look back, those signs existed - those red flags - but, noooooooo.... we did it anyway!! Don't open yourself up to the Wolves anymore. I speak for you, many other people, and myself when I say that we have thrown too many things away in life in pursuit of something unhealthy. When it all falls apart the regret sets in. BUT hopefully we learned!

It's just fact that you can't un-ring a bell. You can't get that back. You can't change it. Sooooooooo, rather than wasting energy crying and trying to, let.it.go. Letting it go frees us and allows us to MOVE FORWARD armed with the wisdom we have gained because of the negative situation we encountered and made it through! Use those experiences to set the bar HIGHER.

Remember, everything is motive based. Sadly, men (and women too, but I'm writing this to a female right now and it is largely based on a recent relationship with a male) have motives that involve things that will bring them pleasure. They see something they want and they'll promise you the Moon.

It's like going to a car lot & you see that shiny new car that you beyond covet. You can hear it calling out to you "drive me, baby". You'll do anything to get it (even if your gut instinct is screaming NOOOOO!!!! So you get it & you drive it around and you're all happy & you're showing it off… until the payments hit or there's a little damage or something like reality hits. Then you're not so gung-ho anymore. The car becomes a burden to you. A leg-humpy, needy bitch. Even if it's just financially. And eventually, usually, you're going to give up the fight. You're going to get rid of that car and get something else. YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT. Next, Don't look to anyone else to take care of you and don't be dependent- Learn and trust that YOU are all you need and YOU are fine on your own! Otherwise, the vultures and wolves will see that weakness. That crack. That open door to worm in and offer to do it. As we already know, if anyone "takes care of you" it is motive based and there's always a price you pay. Eventually, when you learn to rely on yourself and no one else & you become perfectly content alone without relying on another entity, you're probably gonna be healthy enough to be with someone once you make that wise choice. Take your time (Walk, vs get that shiny new car that'll suck you dry). It might be a struggle, but it's so worth it in the long run. You'll see and feel the change in yourself- The freedom of being INDEPENDENT.

Concluding this long-winded spiel:

❥ Guard your heart.

❥ THINK with the wise part of your brain (not that devil on your shoulder that lies to you, miss Gemini) before allowing anyone to enter your life in ANY capacity.

❥ DON'T LET ANYONE IN until you're more sure of them.
Test ‘em!
And if you're NOT sure,
or if you have a bad feeling about it,
no matter how small, Just.Freakin’.DON'T!

❥ Listen to that still, small voice/your gut/your spidey sense.

❥ RELY ON YOURSELF and no one else for awhile.

❥ LOVE and TRUST YOURSELF.

❥ You're strong!

❥ You've got this!

❥ YOU'RE MORE PRECIOUS THAN GOLD.
Don't tolerate anything less than someone who sees that and will give you nothing less than the very very best treatment.

❥ You're very very loved.
You do not need
anyone else in your life to
prove that you're desirable.

You just are.

You always HAVE BEEN.

❥ Stop trying to prove things to yourself, or to anyone else. Just remember that when we do that, it's coming from a damaged place.
If you're acting from that skewed perception/damaged place, you're going to make really bad choices.

❥ Last but not least, I LOVE YOU.